Dresses for mothers of the bride and groom in a divorced family

Divorced family situations can get sticky. Mother of the bride would negotiate the occasion’s dresses at wedding party with groom mother. Does the mother of the bride need to touch base with the groom’s stepmother about the mother of groom dresses, or should she contact only the mother of the groom?
Don’t worry about the groom’s stepmother. He’ll let her know what you (and his mom) are wearing. You risk offending the mother of the groom if you formally involve her ex-husband’s wife in the game plan.
Just make your own decision, the other family will make a great deal in the relations.
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I am the stepmother. I have been for several years. My oldest stepson is getting married and much like his high-school graduation celebration, I found a neutral place, organized catering, cleaned up the mess, Mom brought cake, took credit and left. Now the bride is frustrated as is her family because although we live in a small mid-west town “mom” insists on wearing black (the food is bar-b-cue pork, cheesy potatoes…- down home comfort food), not just black $500.00 cost black. Which would be fine if she had not moved in with the future bride and groom and cannot afford to move out willingly!!! She is not contributing at all. For months I stood back, as stepmom I did not want to step on toes, misinterpret my role, but later I am thought to be underfunctioning because I am supposed to have a crystal ball and know today we need you tomorrow back off. I want only for them to have a great day. My husband and I are taking care of the rehearsal dinner. Bought our step daughter’s dress that mom picked out, oh by the way, my husband and my daughter had to match- so she got to have the fun and picked out my daughter’s dress, we paid for it. So maybe you should not in this day and age brush off the stepmom and assume “mom” is on board with helping. I am trying to maintain dignity, respect my stepson’s frustation, dreams and wishes. This is a sad situation. Very gray, not black and white!!!
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